Formal Letter
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Hafiz Shamsul and am currently a first-year
student who is enrolled in your Technical Communication module. I was a
multimedia and information technology student in Nanyang Polytechnic and
graduated in the year 2017 and recently completed my national service in the
Singapore Police Force.
My interest in IT started to grow when I had first gotten a
hold of my very first gaming console. I was not a very sociable child back then
and would spend most of my time playing games. As I grew older, I became more
curious about how games were made and started to pick up basic coding as a
hobby of mine. My passion lies within IT, yet I decided to pursue a degree in
telematics to broaden my skills not only in IT but also in the engineering
field.
In terms of my communication strength, I am a confident
individual who can communicate well with others. During my third year in NYP, I
was selected as a student manager to man the Student IT Helpdesk in our school.
My responsibility was to ensure the smooth running of the helpdesk and handle
challenging IT-related issues. Yet being a confident individual, I have a fear
of public speaking especially to a larger crowd full of strangers. When this happens,
I tend to forget the things I want to say and will not be able to verbalize my
thought process.
Through this module, I would like to be able to improve on
my letter writing skills to communicate my messages with clarity and ease to a
far larger audience. Secondly, I want to be able to present in a large crowd
with a calm mind and to avoid having awkward stutter moments that can ruin my
presentations.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to introduce myself and
I will be looking forward to learning more about Technical Communication.
Warmest regards,
Hafiz Shamsul
Hi Hafiz
ReplyDeleteThis is a well written introductory letter which have covered all key contents as required by the module. It certainly has allowed me to get to know you a little deeper than just the surface, and I hope as time goes, I will be able to get to know you deeper.
For me, there is just two things to take note of:
1) "national service" can be off better written as National Service (NS).
2) If you intent to use a short form in a text, i.e. "NYP", it is better to specify it alongside the full term it before using the short term in other areas of the text. In paragraph one, you could have written it as such > "Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP)" and continue to use the short term of it in other area of the text.
Otherwise, language used is rather fluent and content is concise. Job well done Hafiz!
Warmest Regards,
Bad
Hey Badrul,
DeleteFirst off I will like to thank you for taking some time to go through my post, also I totally agree with the mistakes you've pointed out and will try to make it a habit of mine when doing future writeups.
Regards,
Hafiz
Dear Hafiz,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well crafted, fluent letter. You address the key requirements of the assignment and add some concrete detail for color. It's good for us readers to learn, for example, that you were chosen to be a student manager of the NYP IT Helpdesk. You also willingly share your perceived weakness in communication, speaking to larger groups, which is an area we are working on this term.
In this letter, I welcome the good fluency of ideas and your confidence that the module can help facilitate your growth.You've also received useful feedback from your Badrul. (Be sure to
acknowledge his input when you have a chance.)
There is only one sentence that stands out to me as problematic: "Yet being a confident individual, I have a fear of public speaking especially to a larger crowd full of strangers." Do you see the problem?
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for your kind opinion on my letter. I really hope I will be able to keep my work standards consistent through out the module. Also regarding the sentence you've pointed out, it does sound contradicting. I will try my best to stay away from mistakes like that and improve for the better.
Regards,
Hafiz